If i had pink hair i'm sure people would stare less

As you can probably gather from the title, today was pretty crap. And i do feel kind of bad its my second blog entry and already im being negative but today really was one of my worst.

First lesson i had the dreaded pe and desptie feeling rough yesterday and having only a few hours sleep last night i madly decided to join in. Not because i had miraculously recovered but because my pe teacher made, what to anyone would be a half way caring remark but to be was an unfair and undermining remark. I had gone in changed and she looked at me and said 'I'm not dealing with your wheezing again Annie, can you even do pe?' and i stupidly thought i could prove her wrong. Last term - being head of pe, she'd had to deal with a lot of my asthma including one rather unfortunate coach journey back from wimbledon. Anyway i did the warm-up and within 5 minutes was wheezing but i wasn't feeling awful and was so set on proving her wrong, that i didn't care about much else. Whilst doing the drills i managed to quite skillfully avoid my teacher, in an attempt to restore the picture of 'strong and athletic Annie' but as soon as we went into the whiteboard i had the whole room staring at me. Still i carried on and really stupidly joined in with the netball game. 5 minutes of being centre and i was feeling awful in fact i was feeling worse that awful, i subbed off and dragged myslef off. Suprisingly my teacher looked worried, rather than triumphant or pleased as i had thought. I felt crap though, i had kind of failed myself and i was really pissed off. I could barely get back to the changing rooms and when i did it was so filled with aerosol mist i just sat outside. My pe teacher saw me, realised what was happening and went in got my bags and let me change in an office. I guess it was kind of unfair of me really, i know how much i push people away and i think that lesson made me realise that i can be unfair sometimes and that a lot of time people are genuinley worried and trying to help, but as you probably gathered from the title that realisation didn't last long...The next four lessons of the day i was still pretty unwell, wheezing, tightness the whole lot but i stuck them out - my motto has always been 'If i sit in the medical room wheezing i shall learn nothing, if i sit in a lesson wheezing i might learn something' and its not like the medical room can really do anything. But anyway throughout the day people were constantly commenting, mostly nice but some which reallly hurt me. I'm sure i've been asked no less than a 100 times if im ok today, and i know people are being caring but it makes me stick out and when a teacher says it in front of the whole class....well i haven't expereinced much worse. There was also all the horrible comments though, the ones that have really stuck with me and hurt me quite a lot. In r.s, i'm with one of those horrible, attention-seeking, obnoxious girls that intimadates everyone around her and who my teacher has given up trying to control. 10 minutes into the lesson she shouted 'Whose breathign so loud, shut it!' and i was quickly indetified as the source. She then went on to sock my wheezing and continue with the comments, but by this time i had chosen to absorb myslef in the work that i apparently missed the worst. Finally my r.s teacher made a stand but instead or removing her and speaking to her outside, she chose to speak in front of the whole class. She announced that i had asthma and it was low to mock me - i was mortified!! My new set who im sure most of, didn't know i had asthma before this now knew. My fresh start in year 10 had been ruined and for the rest of the day my wheezing continued to attract stares and comments from all, and i really do think if i had pink hair people would stare less!

There was some things positive about my day though, i have some amazing friends who support me through everything and they were there for me more than ever today and i really appreciated that. Also soap & glory sent me some goodies worth over £60 for my raffle next month, towards my service project fundraising. So it's not all bad.

Annie