Today i've had what i've been in need of for a long time - a really good and productive day! Along with my rugby team, i went down (or maybe up) to Welwyn. Although a long, long drive it was lovely seeing everyone and we all had a good catch up, and lisetned to some pretty cool tunes. Despite my somewhat, well tempermental asthma i still decided to play. Considering there was 13 in our team including me and it was 13-a-side, it wasn't as though there was any pressure for me to stay on anything. The begining of the game wasn't great, within no less than one minute of the whistle being blown i had been elbowed in the head, by one of the opposition rather bulky palyers, a rather large lump was forming but i was just gateful it wasn't my face or somewhere more visible, as my bump is now rather big. By the end of the first half i wasn't feeling great but wanted to prove to myself i could do it, after two tackles and a ruck i was feeling pretty bad so i dragged myself off. The physios, my coaches and managers were all so lovley, and seem the only people in the world that listen to you when you say, its my asthma and i understand it best. After the match we had sausages, which i avoided due to there rather odd looking colour and a really good chit-chat. The under 18's were also playing so there was a rather large group of us, and our noise levels seem to top the rest of the clubhouse.
On top of that i emailed one of my teachers last night and we've arranged a chat. They'res a lot of things i've really needed to tell someone but have just constantly put off. I've realised i need to deal with them a) before it gets serious and b) i start denying them. I really hope it goes ok, its the first time i think i've ever asked for help form anybody. So wish me luck!
My day not seem either that positive or good but to me it was. I got to spend some great time with friends, i finally faced up to what i needed to do and people listened - to me thats a great day!
Sunday, 20 September 2009
Monday, 14 September 2009
If i had pink hair i'm sure people would stare less
As you can probably gather from the title, today was pretty crap. And i do feel kind of bad its my second blog entry and already im being negative but today really was one of my worst.
First lesson i had the dreaded pe and desptie feeling rough yesterday and having only a few hours sleep last night i madly decided to join in. Not because i had miraculously recovered but because my pe teacher made, what to anyone would be a half way caring remark but to be was an unfair and undermining remark. I had gone in changed and she looked at me and said 'I'm not dealing with your wheezing again Annie, can you even do pe?' and i stupidly thought i could prove her wrong. Last term - being head of pe, she'd had to deal with a lot of my asthma including one rather unfortunate coach journey back from wimbledon. Anyway i did the warm-up and within 5 minutes was wheezing but i wasn't feeling awful and was so set on proving her wrong, that i didn't care about much else. Whilst doing the drills i managed to quite skillfully avoid my teacher, in an attempt to restore the picture of 'strong and athletic Annie' but as soon as we went into the whiteboard i had the whole room staring at me. Still i carried on and really stupidly joined in with the netball game. 5 minutes of being centre and i was feeling awful in fact i was feeling worse that awful, i subbed off and dragged myslef off. Suprisingly my teacher looked worried, rather than triumphant or pleased as i had thought. I felt crap though, i had kind of failed myself and i was really pissed off. I could barely get back to the changing rooms and when i did it was so filled with aerosol mist i just sat outside. My pe teacher saw me, realised what was happening and went in got my bags and let me change in an office. I guess it was kind of unfair of me really, i know how much i push people away and i think that lesson made me realise that i can be unfair sometimes and that a lot of time people are genuinley worried and trying to help, but as you probably gathered from the title that realisation didn't last long...The next four lessons of the day i was still pretty unwell, wheezing, tightness the whole lot but i stuck them out - my motto has always been 'If i sit in the medical room wheezing i shall learn nothing, if i sit in a lesson wheezing i might learn something' and its not like the medical room can really do anything. But anyway throughout the day people were constantly commenting, mostly nice but some which reallly hurt me. I'm sure i've been asked no less than a 100 times if im ok today, and i know people are being caring but it makes me stick out and when a teacher says it in front of the whole class....well i haven't expereinced much worse. There was also all the horrible comments though, the ones that have really stuck with me and hurt me quite a lot. In r.s, i'm with one of those horrible, attention-seeking, obnoxious girls that intimadates everyone around her and who my teacher has given up trying to control. 10 minutes into the lesson she shouted 'Whose breathign so loud, shut it!' and i was quickly indetified as the source. She then went on to sock my wheezing and continue with the comments, but by this time i had chosen to absorb myslef in the work that i apparently missed the worst. Finally my r.s teacher made a stand but instead or removing her and speaking to her outside, she chose to speak in front of the whole class. She announced that i had asthma and it was low to mock me - i was mortified!! My new set who im sure most of, didn't know i had asthma before this now knew. My fresh start in year 10 had been ruined and for the rest of the day my wheezing continued to attract stares and comments from all, and i really do think if i had pink hair people would stare less!
There was some things positive about my day though, i have some amazing friends who support me through everything and they were there for me more than ever today and i really appreciated that. Also soap & glory sent me some goodies worth over £60 for my raffle next month, towards my service project fundraising. So it's not all bad.
Annie
First lesson i had the dreaded pe and desptie feeling rough yesterday and having only a few hours sleep last night i madly decided to join in. Not because i had miraculously recovered but because my pe teacher made, what to anyone would be a half way caring remark but to be was an unfair and undermining remark. I had gone in changed and she looked at me and said 'I'm not dealing with your wheezing again Annie, can you even do pe?' and i stupidly thought i could prove her wrong. Last term - being head of pe, she'd had to deal with a lot of my asthma including one rather unfortunate coach journey back from wimbledon. Anyway i did the warm-up and within 5 minutes was wheezing but i wasn't feeling awful and was so set on proving her wrong, that i didn't care about much else. Whilst doing the drills i managed to quite skillfully avoid my teacher, in an attempt to restore the picture of 'strong and athletic Annie' but as soon as we went into the whiteboard i had the whole room staring at me. Still i carried on and really stupidly joined in with the netball game. 5 minutes of being centre and i was feeling awful in fact i was feeling worse that awful, i subbed off and dragged myslef off. Suprisingly my teacher looked worried, rather than triumphant or pleased as i had thought. I felt crap though, i had kind of failed myself and i was really pissed off. I could barely get back to the changing rooms and when i did it was so filled with aerosol mist i just sat outside. My pe teacher saw me, realised what was happening and went in got my bags and let me change in an office. I guess it was kind of unfair of me really, i know how much i push people away and i think that lesson made me realise that i can be unfair sometimes and that a lot of time people are genuinley worried and trying to help, but as you probably gathered from the title that realisation didn't last long...The next four lessons of the day i was still pretty unwell, wheezing, tightness the whole lot but i stuck them out - my motto has always been 'If i sit in the medical room wheezing i shall learn nothing, if i sit in a lesson wheezing i might learn something' and its not like the medical room can really do anything. But anyway throughout the day people were constantly commenting, mostly nice but some which reallly hurt me. I'm sure i've been asked no less than a 100 times if im ok today, and i know people are being caring but it makes me stick out and when a teacher says it in front of the whole class....well i haven't expereinced much worse. There was also all the horrible comments though, the ones that have really stuck with me and hurt me quite a lot. In r.s, i'm with one of those horrible, attention-seeking, obnoxious girls that intimadates everyone around her and who my teacher has given up trying to control. 10 minutes into the lesson she shouted 'Whose breathign so loud, shut it!' and i was quickly indetified as the source. She then went on to sock my wheezing and continue with the comments, but by this time i had chosen to absorb myslef in the work that i apparently missed the worst. Finally my r.s teacher made a stand but instead or removing her and speaking to her outside, she chose to speak in front of the whole class. She announced that i had asthma and it was low to mock me - i was mortified!! My new set who im sure most of, didn't know i had asthma before this now knew. My fresh start in year 10 had been ruined and for the rest of the day my wheezing continued to attract stares and comments from all, and i really do think if i had pink hair people would stare less!
There was some things positive about my day though, i have some amazing friends who support me through everything and they were there for me more than ever today and i really appreciated that. Also soap & glory sent me some goodies worth over £60 for my raffle next month, towards my service project fundraising. So it's not all bad.
Annie
Sunday, 13 September 2009
A place for thoughts
For as long as i can rememver i've found verbalising my thoughts and more importantly my feelings an impossible task, something which im certain has been responsible for a lot of things. So here i am, hoping to at last to get them out - on a blog to complete strangers! So here goes...
I should probably start my introducing myslef, so..... my name is Annie and im 14 and a half, . I go to an all girls high school which contrary to popular belief is not private despite the rather traditional unform of a navy calf length pleated skirts and red hat. My ambition is to become a doctor, and im prepared to do pretty much anything to get me there. Sport has always been my passion and i pretty much live for full contact rugby- playing, watching and daydreaming about it . I also love to ski and what with starting at the age of three and being the offspring of a ski instructor, i like to think i am reasonably competant though if you watched me hurtling down a slope you may be inclined to disagree. As much as i can i love to play sport but recently its been a pretty impossible task, which leads me onto to my next me-fact. I have what can only be describes as rubbish asthma, deterioting rather recently its been quite a shock and i'm still trying to adjust to it but i'm sure, in light of recent events it's likely to feature rather a lot in future blogs. Since getting my laptop at the beggining of this year,i feel i have only parted company with it to eat, sleep and occasionaly socialise in real life. I also am a member of both the guides and the scouts and am hoping to join St. John ambulance soon too. Leaders and guides from my guide unit have formed the FoGGI team - Fourth Goring Guides International(so if i mention this you'll know what i mean not just think im trying to spell a type of weather in a very, very wrong way!) and we're going on a service project to St. Lucia in April. Trying to fundraise the £1,600 has seemed to take over my life recently but being very close to my target this hopefully won't be the case for too much longer!
There's a lot of stuff i haven't put on this blog yet, things i rarely care to admit. But hopefully as things go on i'll maybe feel i can, i really hope this blog is going to be a place i can really express myself!
So thats me....Annie
I should probably start my introducing myslef, so..... my name is Annie and im 14 and a half, . I go to an all girls high school which contrary to popular belief is not private despite the rather traditional unform of a navy calf length pleated skirts and red hat. My ambition is to become a doctor, and im prepared to do pretty much anything to get me there. Sport has always been my passion and i pretty much live for full contact rugby- playing, watching and daydreaming about it . I also love to ski and what with starting at the age of three and being the offspring of a ski instructor, i like to think i am reasonably competant though if you watched me hurtling down a slope you may be inclined to disagree. As much as i can i love to play sport but recently its been a pretty impossible task, which leads me onto to my next me-fact. I have what can only be describes as rubbish asthma, deterioting rather recently its been quite a shock and i'm still trying to adjust to it but i'm sure, in light of recent events it's likely to feature rather a lot in future blogs. Since getting my laptop at the beggining of this year,i feel i have only parted company with it to eat, sleep and occasionaly socialise in real life. I also am a member of both the guides and the scouts and am hoping to join St. John ambulance soon too. Leaders and guides from my guide unit have formed the FoGGI team - Fourth Goring Guides International(so if i mention this you'll know what i mean not just think im trying to spell a type of weather in a very, very wrong way!) and we're going on a service project to St. Lucia in April. Trying to fundraise the £1,600 has seemed to take over my life recently but being very close to my target this hopefully won't be the case for too much longer!
There's a lot of stuff i haven't put on this blog yet, things i rarely care to admit. But hopefully as things go on i'll maybe feel i can, i really hope this blog is going to be a place i can really express myself!
So thats me....Annie
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
